their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
