yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
