i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
