He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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