The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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