I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
