I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do vagina's smell?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
