Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
