DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
