I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
