Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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