Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.