Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

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(703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally. http://tfl.nu/lv6m

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(310): View more from California

first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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(310): first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona http://tfl.nu/f4h4

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(480): View more from Arizona

so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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(480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem

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(416): View more from Ontario

I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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(416): I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom. http://tfl.nu/jkib

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(925): View more from California

After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

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(925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw

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(951): View more from California

Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.

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(951): Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper. http://tfl.nu/tu64

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(347): View more from New York

Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.

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(347): Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes. http://tfl.nu/qm7s

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(732): View more from New Jersey

apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

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(732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772

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(480): View more from Arizona

She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...

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(480): She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight... http://tfl.nu/8zew

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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(701): She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed http://tfl.nu/42qb

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(407): View more from Florida

you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.

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(407): you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations. http://tfl.nu/xedp

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(914): View more from New York

He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.

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(914): He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will. http://tfl.nu/096i

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.

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(724): You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures. http://tfl.nu/2cky

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.

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(615): Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it. http://tfl.nu/lqyz

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Haha, Tuesday man

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(306): No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle (1-306): Haha, Tuesday man http://tfl.nu/ksku

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