Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.