yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
