What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.