Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE