I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I intend to get homeless drunk
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.