I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he high fived his dick after we had sex