Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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