We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
