I just pynch a tree in the face
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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