yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
