Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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