that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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