Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
