You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I intend to get homeless drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
