i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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