So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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