New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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