Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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