she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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