My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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