Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
