So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
