dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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