And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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