i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
