whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
