I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
