Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think your dad took our porno
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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