A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
