I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
