I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
