I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
