put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
