margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
