alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
