Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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