There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
