I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
