somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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