I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
