I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
