i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
