He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
