I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Never joke about your clitoris.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
