He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
