He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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