my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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