Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
