honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
