Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
