Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
