she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
