dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
