he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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