we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck appropriateness.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
