I have demons in me.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
