Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
