Say something about gay babies.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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