Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize