my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
